What Could Radical Honesty Teach Us?


About 6 months ago, I was notified about a new Meetup in my city. Radical Honesty. I knew nothing on the topic but felt attracted to it. I decided that this time, I would not read anything about it or do any research in advance. Just experiment, see and feel. So, I contacted the trainer.

Over a period of 6 months I had 2 personal trainings with him and 2 trainings in a group. The last one with the duration of 8 hours.

At some point in time, I read Dr. Blanton's book, the author of Radical Honesty. Admittedly, I did not have the interest to read the whole book. Only today, preparing this article, saw Dr. Blanton’s TED Talk. And I realize, I would have never deepened my experience in Radical Honesty, if I have watched and read on the subject beforehand. Truth is, Dr. Blanton's style does not resonate with me. I don't like the idea of being blunt, direct and impolite.

Luckily, being impolite, blunt and totally lacking tactfulness is not the experience I got about Radical Honesty.

Why am I interested in Radical Honesty? What do I learn from it? What value do I get out of it?
  • People attracted to Radical Honesty seem to be open, genuine, curious, and like-minded. I want to build valuable friendships with some of them. And, I practice networking skills.
  • Radical Honesty is a therapy and technique for self-improvement. Here, I encounter situations I am not comfortable with, get a guided support and overcome them. 
Ex.: on my last course I had a terrible headache. I often get this pain in bigger groups. I was unaware of the reasons. On that day, after a guided process, I realized I felt uncomfortable with the size of the group as it was far too big to …control if I was being ... accepted, liked and approved by each and every one of the participants. I became aware what was giving me this pain. Knowing this, I will apply "The Work" from Byron Katie where with the help of 4 questions to dig further and lessen the need for external approval in that context. Furthermore, I experienced that it is practically impossible to be liked, understood and bond to everyone. (Of course, I knew it theoretically!)
  • I become more aware of my body sensations. I thought I feel …anger, shame, self-doubt, tension, stress, excitement... but the truth was this was only the story my mind made up to “explain” heat waves, fast beating heart, sweating palms, shivering knees, cold feet… Radical Honesty teaches me to become aware of the present body signals. Without judgement. (“oh, I am happy”, “I am miserable”, “I am angry”... no, just observe a body sensation which shall pass in a moment.)

  • I see that my mind creates different stories and has a pre-judgement about people I encounter. This is hindering getting open and honest interactions. I learn to detach myself from the story I tell myself. 

  • I learn to say what I want and be OK if I don't get it. I accept that I can get an honest NO without being offended by it. And say NO myself more naturally.

  • Change from being overly polite (in order to manipulate and be liked) to being just me 
  • Change my care-taker behaviour to self-responsibility and foster self-responsibility in the people around me
  •  Notice what is going on inside of me; notice my tension and verbalize it. Very often both sides feel uncomfortable, nobody says anything and all end-up having a bad experience. If I am able to communicative my problem, I will save myself and the other party a lot of unneeded stress and suffering.
  • I want to be more authentic, more genuine, more honest, more present, more connected and more aware of my body and my body’s intelligence. I want to stop my existence of being a walking, talking, cut head with no real connection to my body.
  • Learn to be grounded in my experience and not in my fluctuating mind (also known as the "Bitch" for those of you familiar with my blog post)
  • Go out of the thinking and over thinking mode I tend to get stacked in, "you don't get enlightened by thinking" (Dr. Blanton)
  • Accept myself with all my "unsexy" sides because this is real and not the mask, the mascaraed I do (mostly unwillingly) in order to impress, to be liked or feel accepted...
  • Make peace with my past (mostly with family members). That lack of peace affects all my present relationships. I want to be able to go in front of someone, talk openly about the past pain, turn the page and move to the next chapter. I hear often enough the word "forgiveness" but what is it really like to forgive? I try it hard …to forgive but my forgiveness sucks. I am a terrible forgiver. I figured out, I cannot forgive with my head only. The mind is not able of forgiveness ... I need to integrate the whole person in the process – my emotions, my body, and my head and mind.
  • I want to be able to look in the mirror and see ...  more of myself – not the stories I tell myself about me, not the masks I wear in front of others in order to be the accepted daughter, the “good” daughter-in-law, valuable co-worker.

For me, Radical Honesty is not about being blunt, and direct and impolite. It is about being genuine and natural, vulnerable, able to go into deeper and more meaningful relationships. True to yourself and the people around you. Focus more on being and less on thinking and creating stories (distorting reality). Being present.

If you feel some interest, do't read about it. Go, try and find out.

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